mistresscatgirl

Sometimes I feel so alone. I know my mom loves me and I know Jesse loves me but sometimes I feel so ignored by everyone around me. Lately I feel like everything I say to Jesse isn't as important as what he has to say. I feel like I don't have anything interesting or intelligent to say to him. I know he's busy with his senior project and I know he's worried about money for school but lately we havent done much on the weekends. We hang out at his house play video games and maybe go to a movie. We haven't gone out to dinner in a while. I don't even bother to put make up on because we don't leave the house unless we go to Del Taco to pick up lunch. I always want to go travelling to a different city to explore but he doesn't want to. He doesn't like to go to random places anymore. SOmetimes I wish it was like in the beginning of our relationship: spontaneous, random, but I guess we all grow up and the fun becomes less frequent.

The other night I had a dream I was pregnant. The weird thing was that I was in a lot of pain. It was like cramps but accross my back. I kept telling everyone but they just said "we need to get to the hospital." I was like " What the hell for? Give me a Tylenol and I'll be fine." Then I looked at my feet, well tried to look at my feet, but there was a belly in the way. I freaked. I was running around like crazy trying to figure out why I was pregnant. Then I find out they're twins. A boy and a girl. I felt happy and at ease once I knew Jesse and I were married. It's weird that I keep having this pregnacy dreams. I know I'm at a time in my life whenits optimum for me to have a child. I've had cravings for babies before but I know I can't have one right now. Jesse and I dont need a child in the way of us having fun and me finishing college.

My ankle keeps bothering me. I was going to shopping with my mom but my asshole dad decided to have a shit fit over nothing. He always manages to ruin our fun. I think I'm going to get a Disneyland annual pass. I love going to Disneyland. It's so fun and I never get tired of going on Pirates of the Caribbean , the Haunted Mansion, and Indiana Jones to name a few. I like window shopping and the fireworks. If I could I'd have fireworks for my wedding.

I'm going cheap on Christmas presents this year. I'm giving Jesse's family either home made cookies or fudge. For Mimi I'm giving her a ribbon embroidery pillow. Jesse's mom I haven't figured it out. My mom is giving us all a Wii for Christmas since we're a little tight on money. I made my niece a cute little sun dress and I'm thinking about making the boys (my nephews) PJs.

The state wants us to pay $25,000 in taxes. It's my dad's problem now.

Lately I've been saying a whole rosary every night. I sleep better and I ask that things work out for us. I ask that the business does well, that Jesse do well in school, that none of use suffer any pain/illness/mishaps, and that we can all be happy at some point. I feel so at ease whenever I pray. I fall asleep a lot quicker too.

It's been a few weeks since I've updated my journal. I twisted my left ankle pretty bad last week. Bad enough that I was putting most of my weight on my right foot making my hips get out of whack and causing more pain. Luckily, when I got home I sat on the couch and I felt better. My mom made some Arnica pulstice ( boiling herbs in salty water and applying them to the affected area with moistened rags). That helped a lot. I tend to like natural remedies if I *know* they work. Jesse and I went to the movies. We saw The Fourth Kind. I really liked it. I thought it made its point and did it without forcing you upon you. Jesse didn't like it. Oh well can't win them all.

I got my pirate hat done today! It looks really awesome. I also finished the skirt. I just need to put the elastic in the blouse and I'll be done. My wrist hurts. I think I've been playing my DS a bit too much.
Jesse and I decorated the house this weekend. We wanted to go for Haunted Vietnam Jungle theme. I think it looks nice but if we had more money it would have been even better. This will be my first time handing out candy for Halloween. We'll also be getting drunk. Jis parents are going to be at his cousin's birthday party so we'll be all alone. We're going to rent a bunch of the old zombie movies and watch them late into the night.

Jesse's been really snappy lately. I know he's under a lot of pressure because it's his senior year and he's working on his senior project too. He's also worried about money. His financial ad check isn't in yet and registration starts tomorrow. I know he's stressed but I don't like being yelled at for no obvious reason. I don't like being belittled.

I got my yukata today. The weight of the fabric is nice and heavy which is a relief since I've heard that some of A.P.'s fabric have been on the thin side. I'm going to make a jsk of the yukata. I might make a bonnet also. I need to buy some red tulle for the hem and rick rack.

I'm tired. I didn't get laid this weekend because Jesse and I got in a fight. I felt like biting him. Hard and not in a sexual way.

So my dad is insisting that I take a few classes so that I can become an accountant/tax preparer. I really don't want to do it, but maybe I'll just take his money and go to UCR instead. I'm sure I can finish the stupid tax course rather quickly. I get so angry at the thought having to do something because he wants me to do it. sometimes I feel so much hate for him I feel I could become a total man-hater. I don't want to do that. I don't want to sabotage my relationship with Jesse.

We went to Costume Castle and bought a pirate hat for my pirate outfit. I made the vest now I just need to finish the skirt and blouse. Add the trim to the hat.


I'm so tired. I'm having trouble sleeping. I want a Denny's breakfast slam. I want a PS3 and Disneyland Annual Pass. I want so many things but mostly I want to be free from the tie that my father has over me.

sometimes I wonderif it's wrong for me to feel joy at the fact that my dad is as sick as a dog? I mean he makes everyone miserable so I think it funny that he can't handle a bacterial infection in hos stomach because his whore can't cook well.

Well I'm 25 now. Woohoo. And I got super sick. Fever of 102.2, body aches, joint pain, and shivers the whole shah-bang. I didn't know until today that I had a 24 hour flu or something. It really sucked. I didn't get to eat anything for like 24 hours except tea. Then the damn fever wouldn't go away. I went to bed and I couldn't sleep. I kept waking up every hour to go pee and drink more water. When I was asleep, my mind kept going a million miles a minute. I guess I now know what delirium is like. It was driving me crazy. My fever broke around 4 am and I finally got some sleep. I slept until nearly noon. Unfortunately, I got my mom and Jesse sick. I hate getting people sick. Needless to say, we didn't get to go out to dinner for my birthday.

I went to the dentist today. Last cavity! Yay! I'm so tired.

I decided to buy a Ichigo MilleFleurs yukata from someone online. I'm going to make a JSK (maybe a bonnet) out of it. It's one of my dream prints and this way I know I can sew it to fit me. Fuck what all the skinny bitches say. At least I dont have a butter face.

So for the last few months I've been applying sweet almond oil on my eyelashes to see if they would grow and get thicker. They totally have. It's awesome. and all natural. Screw Latisse. I want to keep my green eyes green.

We were suppose to go to the aquarium this weekend but like usual my dad manages to fuck everything up for us.
Jesse and I had dinner with Jennifer and Matt Saturday. We went to Red Robins. It's a burger joint. It was fun catching up with her and seeing what she's been up to. We decided that we should start hanging out more.
Jesse come back to my house and decide to hang out at the upstairs bedroom and mess around. After a while the bed started to bother us so we went back to the house. Then around 4 am made dad comes bursting through the door. I just thought he was his usual drunk self and how Jesse was gonna be pissed off that yet again my family was too loud and that we didn't get to sleep together. Well it turns out my dad was so drunk he lost control of his brand new 2009 truck and hit a fence barely missing a work truck. He runs away from the scene while threatening to shoot the witnesses. He tells my mom to go there and tell them it was her driving it. It was stupid and insane. He then proceeds to walking away to his friends house while I'm left to deal with the sheriff's department. They searched the house and the property. I swear the shit my dad puts us through is ridiculous. and he *still* thinks he's a martyr. I was so pissed I would have let the cops have him had I know where the hell he was. We were up until 6 am. Jesse and I crashed in my room and passed out until 11 am. I made Jesse pancakes and eggs for breakfast.
We didn't go to the aquarium after all. We were all to tired and sluggish. I was so tired.
I went to the dentist today and they had to give me four shots to try and numb me. It barely worked. I had to take deep breaths to keep the pain at bay. Good thing I only have one more cavity to go. I really hate dentists. Hopefully this will remind me to keep my teeth clean.

My birthday is on Friday. I'll be 25. Sometimes I feel so old and ugly. I don't know what I'm gonna do that day but on Saturday I'm going to dinner with Jesse to Benihana. I signed up for Chef's Table and get a $30 gift certificate so it should be pretty cheap. My neck hurts.

Tomorrow Jesse and I are going to have dinner with Jennifer and Matt at Red Robin. I just hope Matee behaves and doesn't act like the huge dick that he is. I just have a feeling that Jesse and Matt would come to blows. I don't know why I just get that feeling. Hopefully things will go smoothly tomorrow. Sunday, we're going to Aquarium of the Pacific in Long Beach. My mom's been wanting to go for a while and I really liked it last time I went. I think I'm going to wear my red sweets skirt with my new cut sew I ordered like back in May. I'm also gonna wear my new hair falls that I've had for a while.

I'm almost done with my JSK. It looks nice so far. I just need to make a beige blouse to go with it. I think I want to make a half bonnet for this JSK. Since I want to look more classical. Jesse told me it bothered him whenever I wear Lolita to Mitsuwa our local Japanese super market. I was kinda upset because I thought it was ok with it. I guess that's why haven't been wearing it much lately. I guess it's not sexy enough for him or something.

Since Halloween is on a saturday I think Jesse and I should go to something fun.

I went into the dentist office for a check up on my wisdom teeth(which got pulled last wee) and came out with 7 new fillings. My mouth is sore from being open for so long even if they did put in a support of sorts. My fucking teeth hurt. It sucks I couldn't even eat regular food. I swear I HATE dentists. The worst part was that I have to have twice the normal amount of anesthetic to get numb. And even then it was hurting really bad. It still hurts. I had to take a 600mg ibuprofen to dull the pain.

This weekend was Jesse's birthday. I thought we were going to BeniHana's but instead went to Markwet Broiler which is a really nice seafood restaurant in Orange. It was good food but I would have preferred sushi. Whatever it's not my birthday.
Actually, Im making a classic Lolita dress with a bustle back for my birthday. I'm trying to talk Jesse into taking me to the Fashion District in LA and Little Tokyo but he really HATES LA. We tend to have a crappy time getting to LA.

We decided we're probably not gonna go to AX next year since it sucked major ass this year. It truly was a waste of money. The only thing that made it worth while was the fact I got to see
Moi Dix Mois. It was an awesome!! My teeth fucking hurt.

Since it was Labor Day on Monday I got a 2 day weekend this week. It was nice to be able to sleep in on a Monday. Well on Saturday Jesse , Jesse's Dad, Butch( the family dog), and I drove up to Big Bear for what was suppose to be a fun weekend. Wrong. We get there around 7 pm everyone has eaten and I'm starving. I'm also pissed off at Jesse because he expected me to be ready to leave like 5 minutes after I get home from work. We finally get some food and then I have to play Monopoly because Jesse wants too but I'm was too tired to argue. We got to sleep in the house down the street and it would have been nice if my stupid allergies hadn't woken me up at 4 in the morning. The bed was lumpy or something too because neither Jesse nor I could sleep comfortably. The next morning, I had two cups of coffee and still was sleepy. Breakfast was ok. Later we were forced to go to the Holcomb Valley Rendezvous . IT WAS SO FREAKING LAME!!!!! Basically, it was a bunch of Wild West buffs. The only mildly entertaining thing we did was shoot black gunpowder riffle. That was it. Then I had to go off-roading with Jesse's cousins which was a different. We decided to go home on Sunday since the town was going to be so busy.

Tuesday I had all four of my wisdom teeth pulled. It doesn't really hurt. It's just uncomfortable. I can't open my mouth a lot but I'll live. I should be well enough to eat dinner on Saturday since it's Jesse's b-day and all. I already got his presents too. Yay! I'm tired. I'm going to shower and take a pill. I'll pass out like last night for sure.

So Cal is on fire again. There's like 4 fires right now. Half of them were arson I think. It's pretty smokey and dry. I've drank about 1.5 gallons of water a day at least. It soo damn humid. It drives me crazy. I can't do anything in this weather. I finished altering my Baby Sweet Check skirt. It now has a bustle butt. It looks good. I'm really happy with the work I did.
Im going to spend Labor Day weekend up in Big Bear with Jesse's family so I'm going to wear Lolita! I haven't been able to wear Lolita for a while. It's been to damn hot. I think Im coing to commission a black cutsew

So this weekend we threw a "Welcome Home" bash for my grandma. She got a Visa to come to the States. We invited a bunch of people: family, friends, and whoever else my dad decided to invite. He then processed to boss everyone around and get drunk. Showing off horribly tacky bling. He got drunk (like usual) and went out to with his friends to get even drunker. He didn't spend anytime with my grandma and I think she was crying earlier that day. I spent most of the day inside the house. I told my mom I wasn't going to be among drunk strangers. Jesse's parents came over and finally meet my dad. It went well for the most part.
Jesse and I haven't had sex for a couple of weeks because I forgot to take a few of my BC pills. We're being safe. I figure we'll just have to use condoms until my next pill packet starts.
Jesse and I are trying to plan a quick getaway for labor day since I get 2 days off. I want to stay at a hotel room and maybe go to Disneyland but it may be too expensive. I guess we'll see what happens.

you know Ive given my dad a HUGE chunk of my life. Now that he's getting audited, he thinking about running and leaving everything for us to dal with. I've prayed a rosary every night for the last night (except saturday) I keep praying begging and pleading to the Virgen that everything work out. I feel calm about the whole thing in all honesty. my mom says that maybe Jesus and the Virgen will make it so that we are finally free from my dad. Even if we have to start everything all over at least well be free. I just KNOW everything will be ok. I have complete faith in my religion.

So the damn audit guys gives me a call yesterday and tells me that they have a few more questions about our investigation. I thought we were done but appearantly they want to see if they can get money out f us. Im sooo tired of
these ups and downs. I get so depressed and feel completely drained. I felt like crap and am helpless to do anything but pray and have faith in La Virgen and that she will get us through this. She is always there for us. Last night I tried to pray a whole rosary but fell asleep after 3/4 of one. I wish things would go back to what they were once before. I miss the consistancy of monotony.

So I've been a little busy lately. Jesse got an infection last week. I really sucked. They thought he had apendicitus at first but it turned out he had an infection in his colon. He lost some weight do to the fact that he was on a liquid diet for a few days.
I sold a bunch of my stuff off. I need to buy myself a car because the shitty van my dad gave me is dying a quick death. I'm tired of having crappy cars. I need something that is MINE. I need a car that is dependeable and not just a second thought at my safety. I'm trying to save about $1200. I know I can find a good cheap car for about $800 but this is in case I find something I really like and want. Jesse says I could find a nice car out in the OC since people usually just want to get rid of their cars. Here's hoping.

I bought Baby Sweet Check skirt and bow in pink. I think Im going to alter it and add a bustle to the back. You know I was thinking the other: I spend all this money on Brand and yet I never buy anything that I like because I can fit into it. I decided that if the I want to alter Brand thats fine as long as its still aesthetically pleasing. Im not going to do this half-ass(not that I ever do when it comes to sewing) but Im *really* going to make this look as nice as possible.

I rearranged my room this week. I got rid of a bunch of clothes and things I hadn't touched in years. I like it better now. There's space to move around in. It flows better.

So am back to the real world after a relaxing week away from my work and family. It was so nice to be away from all the hectic annoyances and crap that flows around my family.
Jesse and I went to Vegas for three days and two nights. We stayed at the Luxor Hotel and Casino in the Pyramid. It was pretty neat. We were right behind the Sphynx's butt and had a nice view of the city. We gambled a little not really winning much. WE slept in late and stayed out late. We had LOTS of sex. It was nice to do what we wanted when we wanted. Jesse's mom let us borrow her car since Jesse's probably wasnt going make it up the Cajon Pass. The only downer was that Jesse hurt his neck really bad.

Later we went to AX. I saw Moi Dix Mois. I was soooo freaking cool.

Ok since I have a WHOLE week off for vacation I have most of my stuff packed. Im just waiting til this weekend to pack all of my shorts and stuff. I taking two bags: one for Vegas and one for AX. WHile in Vegas we'll be staying at the Luxor Hotel! It's the first time we'll be staying in a 4 1/2 star hotel. It looks sooooo freaking awesome. It's and Egyptian themed hotel and casino. I LOVE Egyptian things always have always will. We're going to drive Jesse's mom's car up there since Jesse thinks his car cant make it over the hill. I offered to help drive that way Jesse can take a break.
AX is coming up pretty quick. I'm gonna try and make a Japanese school uniform. I made a skirt today but I didn't really like it. I think I need to pleat it more. I need to have it done by Friday or Saturday at the lastest.
I really want to do this for Jesse.


The forklift at work seems to be having problems. Oh well dad knows. It's his problem now.

So my dad finally gave me the go ahead on my vacation. FOR A WHOLE FREAKING WEEK!! Jesse and I are planning on going to Vegas for a few days before heading over to AX.